Friday, September 15, 2006
darkened atmosphereeverything's so complicated. i really don't know what to do nor what to act. i feel like i'm ensnared between the pathetic denial and miserable truth. why? i have a lot of things to think. incessant projects, demanding requirements, eternal burdens. student's no. 1 enemy. but the problems that i'm going to express are excluded from these academic burdens.4-1 = paini often feel so much secluded. i'm one of the boys but i don't know why. they have their own world. i already understand the point of sazuke and that's fine. i dont know about rainier, i cant uncover his depth. poinky seems to be so unfair. he makes me feel that i'm an outcast member. i know that he has this bitterness towards me. i completely admit my mistake. but this thing that he does, well. or perhaps i'm just concluding a wrong idea. maybe he's just too happy not to include me. he's too happy right now with this status. too much happy that he's not cautious anymore about the feelings of others.poinkywell, poinky and i are presently having a gap. he got mad because i wasn't responsible enough when he was asking me to do my job as a member of our group in one of our subjects. i did admit my fault. but his mercy was not present when i was asking for a sincere apology. well, i did understand him. it was my fault. but what i do not understand is his incessant bitterness towards me up to this moment. i really don't want to have an argument with him. but its his choice. ok.j>mthough my feelings is not that intense anymore, i still feel the jealousy. i can still feel the pain whenever i see them creasing up with eah other, or perhaps having a confidential conversation about something. i'm not sure but i think... their already having a happy love story. well, i must not object, for they are both my friends. but it's normal to be jealous right? i know that i'll move on totally. i hope that day will come come asap.in my heart are the twelve of us...i can see the fragments o our friendship. lots of arguments, continuous misunderstandings. i'm so tired of it. i really love our circle. passionate love indeed. but the detrimental events just wont cease. please. i hope for the betterment of everything.i don't know how to act, i don't know where to put myself. i'm completely bewildered.
peace
1:16 AM
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