->the.fiasco.of.gaea<-

things went disappointing and surprising

2007-05-30T04:52:00.000-07:00

things went disappointing and surprising

hey bloggie, i ahve some stories in my life that i want to share:

1. april 25, 2007

we ended our friendship. o well, it was so easy for him. siyempre, as if i mattered to him. hay, akala ko patutunayan niya na mali ako nung inisip ko na worthless ako sa kanya, pero he didn't. o well, maraming manifestations, at wala akong regrets...

2. cyc team building

nag teambuliding kami ng cyc. ansaya, nakabond ko na yung mga taong dati kong di ka-close. naging bonded kami. hay, maraming moments nun na hinintay kong lapitan ako ng isang tao, baka gusto akong kausapin, never pa kasi siyang nagsalita about sa pagtatapos namin ng friendship e, baka lang may gustong sabihin. pero wala naman pala. asa. ;p. nung nag open forum nung second night, nung turn na niya, ang sinabi niya, "si matt, mabait yang tao." wow, kamusta naman yon diba? kasi naman matt, hello, as if may worth ka para pag-aksayahan ng effort niya para magsalita. ;p

3. surprises

twice ako nasurprise ngayong bday ko. (may 25). sa cyc, binigyan nila ko ng folder na may mga messages. ansaya, kinantahan pa nila ko. :)... tapos nung enrollment, eksena yung mga classmates ko, surprised talaga ako at halos maiyak. may cake at banners pa. wow, sobrang bihira ako makatanggap ng surprise. ansayasaya. kahit pala may mga taong di nakikita yung worth ko, meron pa ring mga nakakaappreciate sa'kin, at mas marami pa sila. i'm happy.:)

it's all over.

2007-04-26T05:05:00.000-07:00

it's all over.

bloggie, tapos na ang lahat ng tungkol sa'min. yep, tinapos na namin ang lahat pati friendship. naging maayos na sana ang paghihiwalay namin pero nagkasagutan nung huli. yaan na natin, basta tapos na.

mahirap na madali sa'kin. syempre mahal ko pa siya kaya mahirap. pero alam kong kailangan ko ring gawin yun for the sake of myself. dapat maawa na ko sa sarili ko. why would i grip on someone who couldn't see my worth? at talagang sinabi niya sakin yun. "wala ka nang worth sa'kin." wow. ansarap pakinggan. alam kong di ako nagkamali ng decision. ayos rin pala.

basta kaya ko to. kung sa kanya nga balewala to e, dapat ako ganun din. kaya to, with GOD's help. woohoo!!!

can't get over

2007-03-25T02:52:00.000-07:00

cant get over

huhuhu... bloggie, bakit kahit anong gawin ko, hindi ko siya makalimutan? kahit nag eefort akong makalimot, the feeling rises up pa. ang gulo, i still cry over that person, think of every detail about the personality, still frustrated and all. paano ko ba siya makakalimutan?? ='C

ayoko na nga sana siyang isipin e. tutal wala naman siyang care sa nangyayari sa'min ngayon. in order to compensate, i should do the same thing. but still i can't get over the feeling. masyadong mahirap. ayoko siyang makita, but still, gusto ko kasi namimiss ko rin siya. ayoko siyang marinig, but i'm yearning for the pleasant voice, hindi ko alam, what a big and pathetic oxymoron, in general sa nararamdaman ko.

minsan magulo siya e. sometimes, may pinapakitang concern, minsan and rude niya, minsan discreet sa nararamdaman ko, minsan tactless. ang hirap i-classify. basta isa lang ang alam ko, palagi akong nasasaktan, di lang ako showy.

good luck sa'kin bloggie, sana makaget over na ko.

behind the shadows

2007-02-25T23:47:00.000-08:00

behind the shadows

i'll be leaving for the good.

next sem, mawawala na ko sa block. habang tumatagal, lalo akong nagkakaroon ng reason to pursue this plan. here are the reasons.

1. moving on from a pathetic love story

the only way for me to forget that person is to get away. though di na ko sanay na wala siya. ganun talaga. i have to start a new life (read the previous entry for more info ;p)

2. attitudes

habang tumatagal, di na maganda yung ugaling nakikita ko sa ibang tao. maybe because of 'fame' and involvement sa iba't-iabng orgs, yung iba lumalaki na talaga yung ulo. feeling nila they're the greatest, kaya ganun na lang yung pangmamata sa tulad kong maliit (literal and figurative, hehe). yung iba naman, nakakatakot na yung ugali. palagi kang sisigawan though the approach you did was nice. i also don't like the idea of some political issues that leads to 'plastikan'. nang dahil sa pulitika, nasisira ang pagkakaibigan. i don't wanna be sorrounded byt these kind of people. magulo masyado.

3. beyond boundaries

nakiusap na ko before na bawasan yung pangmamata sa'kin ng tao. but they just won't stop. twerp is on my side. darn it.

siyempre masakit sakin na iwan yung mga naging mabait sa'kin talaga at nagpakita ng importansya sa'kin. pero kailangan ko rin tong gawin.

the distance

2007-02-25T23:34:00.000-08:00

the distance

finally, nasabi ko na sa kanya. yup, i finally had the guts to tell that person the real reason behind all this. hindi nga siya nag-react e. perhaps that person puked after reading it. haha.

i gave a letter. sinabi ko na lahat ng hinaing ko. kung pano ko napatunayan na may nararamdaman na ko sa kanya, kung pano nadevelop and all. i just realized things gradually. i had to tell it cause of the wonderment that person had nung time na di ko siya pinapansin. clueless. so di na rin ako nakatiis, kaya ayun.

i don't want to go to deeper details. basta nasabi ko na. i'm not sure sa result nito but i think i did the right thing. i cannot just hide under the table.

ngayon lalo kaming lumayo sa isa't-isa. i'm not sorry for what i did. bahala na siya. maybe that person can't accept the fact. nandidiri siguro siya. di nga naman kasi ako gwapo, nor cool. hmmm.

ok lang. lilipat na naman ako ng block next sem e. though it's hard to say goodbye to those who became close to me. that person really matters a lot e. so i have no choice but to forget everything.

now that i've told everything, i'm already willing to forget.

butt of jokes? my mistake.

2007-01-31T20:19:00.000-08:00

butt of jokes? my mistake.

naiinis ako kung bakit ko pa binuo yung image na ganito. siguro, i just want them all to be happy kaya hinahayaan ko lang. im trying my best to be so patient. dun sila masaya e. ganun talaga. lagi na lang ako pinagtatawanan. sakin kasi, basta masaya sila, masaya na rin ako.

pero ngayon nararamdaman ko na yung naramdaman ni jorelle dati. ang hirap na magreklamo ngayon kasi nabuo ko na yung ganitong image e. nakalimutan lang nila yung limitations nila, na kahit sa ibang tao napapakita nila kung gano ako ka-inferior. i love these guys, sobra. pero napipikon din ako.

kapag sinabi ko naman na pikon ako, nabababawan sila. ang akin e yung di ko na matagalan. pero di ko na mapigilan. mas gusto ko na yung dating di ako masyadong pansin sa group, kesa ngayon na parati nga kong pinapansin, puro pangdedegrade naman. i try naman na wag mag-isip ng ganito, pero wala na kong magawa ngayon.

ang pagkakamali ko talaga, yung di ko nasabi sa kanila na tao rin ako, not a cadaver or carding or an alien or a janitor fish or what, siyempre may limit din ako.

so hard...

2007-01-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

poisoned heart

ang hirap ma-inlove. nahihirapan na ko. bakit ganun? i love someone kasi, but my love one loves someone else. hindi siya love nung love niya, at dahil dun nasasaktan siya. pero ang di niya alam, nasasaktan din ako dahil nasasaktan siya. huhuhuh... ayoko nga muna siyang kausapin o pansinin, i have to get over my feelings. dahil alam kong kahit kailan di niya ko magugustuhan. sad thing is, parang nandidiri pa siya. huhuhu...

proud of tin!

2006-11-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

proud of tin!

gosh bloggie, tin was so amazing during the launching of the FEU Theatre guild. i'm so proud of her. we're all so proud of her.

first, dun siya sa bituin lumabas. hindi niya masyado naexpress yung sarili niya cause they were so many, medyo limited talaga yung time sa kanila na umarte isa-isa. she portrayed kris aquino (not preggy) and ayun, nkakatuwa naman sila.

second, sa sariling sikap. ang galing niya dun sobra. ang whore pero ang galing. napakaversatile niya to portray a role like that. so amazing.

basta, kristina marie yang! go!!! keep it up!!!

may i crawl out? don't worry, i'll keep it mild...

2006-11-17T23:23:00.000-08:00

may i crawl out? don't worry, i'll keep it mild...

damn. ang complicated ng mga bagay-bagay. it's really hard to deal with something that wrecks you severely. ang hirap tumakas. shit. no matter how hard i try, mahirap sa side ko.

i'm sincerely sorry dun sa isa na natapakan ko. i know i was wrong. naging oa ako sa reaction ko kaya siguro ganun. he was right. immature nga sigur ako. actually, i gave him the chance to decide na lang kung saan na patutungo yung friendship namin. and sa pinapakita niya ngayon, mukang mas ok na siya sa ganitong status. magmula nung first day, we haven't approached each other. tagal na rin nun. nakakalungkot. pero kung yun talaga yung decision niya, so be it. i've done my part. but actually, naiintindihan ko siya, cause sabi ko nga, i myself cannot forgive neither. so siguro para mabalance, ganito na yung nangyayari.

dun sa isa, up to now, galit pa rin ako. everytime na maiisip ko, nagagalit ako. nakakapikon pa, siya pang ang may guts na magreact negatively, siya na nga may kasalanan. kakaiba talaga siya. honestly, nakakapalan ako. but though i'm still mad, very mad indeed, siyempre may factor pa rin na naghihinder para totally kamuhian ko siya. kung 'di lang mahirap na itapon yung mahigit one year na pinagsamahan. hay, hindi ko rin naman kaya. sabi nga ni luisa sa'kin, di ko raw magagaa yun. maybe he was right. kahit galit ako, siyempre may love pa rin as a friend. hay nako, ang gulo. potek.

nung debut nga pala ni cy, god, napaka 'remarkable' sa'kin. lam mo ba, parang wala ako nung gabing 'yun. i'm so isolated. of course they're not directly telling me to go away but there was an implication. so ok, lagi akong mag-isa. si luisa lagi akong sinasamahan nun, napansin niya kasi, at sabi niya, alam niya yung feeling. naawa ako sa sarili ko nun. di ko man lang makasama yung iba kong friends. darn it.

bahala na. napakalayo ko na sa kanilang dalawa. dun sa isa, sorry uli, pero i respect your decision. dun sa isa, hanga ako sa'yo. ikaw pa galit despite all this. mukhang eto na talaga ang magsasara ng pinto para sa'ting dalawa.

MC0521 (again)

2006-11-06T19:05:00.001-08:00

MC0521 (again)

yun uli section namin, MC0521, same pips, with some new faces. sad lang kasi nahiwalay sina ayen, sage at jorelle. ayun. di ko masyadong feel tong sem na to. but i'll try to deal with it.

first day was very conventional. like parang di naman nagbreak. di man lang ako nanibago. ayun, ansaya kasi si sr joeven uli prof sa comm. di nga lang final yun, sana mafinalize. tapos asig si sr babsie, prof sa ICT, na-inspire akong maging proud kahit maliit lang ang height! hehe. then si sir garcia sa philo, he's a bit eccentric and enigmatic. medyo natatakot ako. konti lang.

tapos nagkaron ng meeting sa CYC. may event kasi na darating. napagusapan lang kung ano yung mga gagawin. tapos ayun, ginabi na ko umuwi.

bout "them", well, of course deadma di'ba? hayaan na lang sila. nagsasawa na nga ko dun sa isa. ilang beses na kami nag-away, bati-away. hindi talaga kami click. siguro maganda na rin to. para wala ng lokohan. anyway, sige yun lang muna.

ciao!

mga pare!

2006-10-27T00:52:00.000-07:00

mga pare!

well, eto na naman. may gulo uli! haha! but actually, i'm not really taking things seriously. hehe. ok, let's start.

first, mr. high level (daw)

it all started after i brought my high school friends, yung best friend ko at yung isa ko pang friend, nung kuhaan ng grades. my friends (hs) were to much interested to know them better kaya they asked me the numbers of my college friends and i gladly gave those digits to them. so they started to text those masscom pips, they were overwhelmed because they were entertained by some of my classmates. ok, everythings was fine during those days.

then one night, this guy texted me and asked me a favor. i felt so happy. this guy and i were having a gap during that time. i always wished na maging ok na kami. he asked for a favor. kaya natuwa ako. sabi ko, siguro eto na yung chance para maging close uli kami. masaya ako to fulfill his need. then i replied, sabi ko "hanggat kaya." sabi niya, madali lang naman daw, pwede daw ba sabihin ko sa best friend ko na wag na siyang i-gm kasi di siya makarelate at naiirita war siya. nagulat ako. naawa ako dun sa best friend ko. all those time, they thought na they were accepted entirely by my classmates. she was hurt, at na-hurt din ako for her. naintindihan ko yung guy, pero sana naisip niya na best friend ako nung tao, nasaktan sin naman ako. at sana dineretso niya na yung best friend ko, mas gusto rin kasi nung best ko yung ganun. ayun, i tried to imply na nagtampo ako. but he was so passive.

a night after, nag-gm ako. sabi ko, nagpapasalamat yung mga hs friends ko sa mga tumanggap sa kanila at sabi ko salamat din sa mga nagentertain nga at dun sa mga di namimili ng textmates. ok, sa inis ko lang sa kamanhidan niya, kaya dinaan ko sa gm, baka tamaan e. and i was right, tinamaan nga. few hous later, he texted me. he was mad because of the gm. i fought back. ok. sige. pero di masyado. sabi ko kasi it's not worth it na patulan siya e, kasi totoo naman. hindi talaga. wala akong ganang kaaway siya. ang di ko lang matanggap yung sinabi niyang binaba daw niya yung level niya dahil tnxt niya ako. wow bloggie, alam mo, hindi naman sa pang-aano, feeling ko di bagay sa kanya na magbitaw ng ganung statement. sorry, kung siya siguro si mina o luis o chai, pwede pa, kung siya lang? excuse me.

pero nung tumagal, na-realize ko rin na may mali ako kasi nagGM ako. yun e dahil sa inis ko lang sa kanya. pero siyempre may mali siya. ayun.

second, mr. epal

nung magkaaway kami sa text ni mr. high level, magkausap pala sila sa nun. he was laughing daw pala the whole time. at sabi niya, aliw na aliw daw siya "as in", well, this guy is also one of the members of our friendly group. so diba, friends nga dapat ang lahat ng nasa grupo. it was so ironic. tumatawa siya at aliw na aliw while nag-aaway yung mga kaibigan niya. what the hell? reason niya, since wala daw siyang magagawa, might as well enjoy na lang daw. it was so absurd. kung di ka makakatulong, wag ka na umepal at matuwa diba? nag-gm pa siya non. sabi niya tuwang-tuwa daw siya nung gabing 'yon with the tag "at.LMLABAN.k.n.pla.ngaun." at nag-gm talaga. bakit kaya. ginaganti niya yung pare niya? epal din talaga. i really got disappointed. sabi pa niya, tinulungan saw niya yung pare niyang i-organize yung mga sasabihin sa'kin. wow, wala naman siyang kinakampihan no? minsan yung principles niya sa buhay mukang tanga e. then ganito, i told him na naiinis ako sa kanya, na i won't talk to him muna kasi di ko alam kung kaibigan ko talaga siya. he replied, "ok." that's it? ok? di man lang niya narealize na nainis ako? sana man lang nag-sorry diba? hay. tapos magagalit din? fiddlesticks! pati naman iba sa'min naiinis sa ugali niyang yan. tapos eto pa yung tipo na paninindigan yung ginawa niya. basta siya ang laging tama. wow, i salute you with such confidence. haha.

pero di ko na iniinda 'tong mga to. yung epal, dati mataas din yung tingin ko sa kanya e, pero ngayon, magka-level na lang sila nung pare niya. eew.

keep it mild

2006-10-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

keep it mild...

hanggang ngayon, naguguluhan ako sa nangyari. nawala na lang bigla yung closeness namin. it really feels bad. though i try to pretend, deep inside nasasaktan ako.

it all started sa pagiging irresponsible ko. i did admit my fault. i understand kung mainis siya or what. sobrang nahiya naman ako kasi close ko pa naman siya tapos na-disappoint siya sa'kin. it matters a lot. ayun. di naman daw big deal sa kanya. sinabi niya yun. nainis lang siya nung nag-GM ako bout that. pinalaki ko daw kasi. pero kasi, it was a conventional thing for us na mag-express thru that medium. basta, wala lang dapat namedrop. and that's exactly what i did. i didn't mention any name. kahit yung mga nagtanong kung sino 'yun, di ko sinagot. pero naiintindihan ko siya. siguro yun na nagtrigger na lalo siyang mainis.

antagal na. matagal na kaming 'di nag-bond. nag-uusap kami oo, pero pag kailangan lang. pero yung bonding, wala. sobrang nasasaktan ako. 'di ko lang pinapahalata sa school.

ang pinakamasakit sa'kin, yung pinapakita niya na hindi ako kawalan. yung pinapakita niya sa'kin na it doesn't matter kahit mawala ako sa buhay niya. i figuratively died in front of his eyes. hindi siya makikitaan ng regrets. wala. siguro, hindi rin ako naging important sa kanya. pero siya, important sa'kin. sobrang miss na miss ko na siya. ayoko lang sabihin. kasi mukha naman akong tanga diba? ako lang ang nakakamiss sa kanya tapos siya hindi naman. may awa pa rin naman ako sa sarili ko.

masyado lang ako nag-assume ng mga bagay-bagay. sinabi ko pa, he's my closest pal among all the guys. tss. tanga ko, nakalimutan ko na ata yung concept ng closeness. di ba dapat pag close, open din? eto na naman yung factor ng openness na yan. well, naisip ko lang, open nga ba siya? ako oo, open sa kanya. pero siya hindi. wala akong maalala na inopen niyang important event ng buhay niya. pero gusto ko i-clarify. it's not his fault. if he really doesn't want to open up, it's his choice, maybe i'm not worthy enough for the trust. hayaan na lang natin. mali lang ako na i considered him as my closest friend. kung di ko naman yun kinonsider, i know i wouldn't feel this way. i know i wouldn't regret this much. sana lang pala.

pero friends kami ha. nawala lang yung flame ng closeness, pero friends kami. di ko alam kung mababalik pa. no one knows. but i know that, i'll Keep It Mild...

taglish mode

2006-10-02T06:14:00.000-07:00

taglish mode

darkened atmosphere

2006-09-15T01:16:00.000-07:00

darkened atmosphere

everything's so complicated. i really don't know what to do nor what to act. i feel like i'm ensnared between the pathetic denial and miserable truth. why? i have a lot of things to think. incessant projects, demanding requirements, eternal burdens. student's no. 1 enemy. but the problems that i'm going to express are excluded from these academic burdens.

4-1 = pain

i often feel so much secluded. i'm one of the boys but i don't know why. they have their own world. i already understand the point of sazuke and that's fine. i dont know about rainier, i cant uncover his depth. poinky seems to be so unfair. he makes me feel that i'm an outcast member. i know that he has this bitterness towards me. i completely admit my mistake. but this thing that he does, well. or perhaps i'm just concluding a wrong idea. maybe he's just too happy not to include me. he's too happy right now with this status. too much happy that he's not cautious anymore about the feelings of others.

poinky

well, poinky and i are presently having a gap. he got mad because i wasn't responsible enough when he was asking me to do my job as a member of our group in one of our subjects. i did admit my fault. but his mercy was not present when i was asking for a sincere apology. well, i did understand him. it was my fault. but what i do not understand is his incessant bitterness towards me up to this moment. i really don't want to have an argument with him. but its his choice. ok.

j>m

though my feelings is not that intense anymore, i still feel the jealousy. i can still feel the pain whenever i see them creasing up with eah other, or perhaps having a confidential conversation about something. i'm not sure but i think... their already having a happy love story. well, i must not object, for they are both my friends. but it's normal to be jealous right? i know that i'll move on totally. i hope that day will come come asap.

in my heart are the twelve of us...

i can see the fragments o our friendship. lots of arguments, continuous misunderstandings. i'm so tired of it. i really love our circle. passionate love indeed. but the detrimental events just wont cease. please. i hope for the betterment of everything.

i don't know how to act, i don't know where to put myself. i'm completely bewildered.

Communication 100 - synthesis

2006-08-24T03:15:00.000-07:00

Communication 100- Synthesis

After spending two months and a half in acquiring vital eruditions in Communication 100, I believe that I have evolved from a facile student to a devoted media apprentice. I am now able to bear with certain factors that are associated in the media world. I have learned how to be a responsible and reliable media student.

What I have learned best would be the real essence of communication. The versatility of a media man in dealing with diverse audiences, in coping with his news, being unbiased, were the major lessons that really remained in my psyche.

In dealing with the audience, I must always mull over the two major theories - "Hypodermic Needle Theory" and "Uses and Gratifications Theory." In the first theory (Hypodermic Needle), the audiences are passive and "hypnotized" by the media persuasiveness. However, the existence of its paradoxical theory (Uses and Gratification) changes the concept of this belief and states that the audiences also possess the power in opting their desired source of information, and the media has nothing to do about this.

Media people must cope with their news apathetically, not in a sense that they are not interested or what, but in a sense that they must disconnect themselves from their own emotion concerning the news they disseminate. They must not be bias with their news. News is plain news. The major trangression that concerns this matter would be the case of Flor Contemplacion in the article "Furor Over Flor." Here, the media were obviously putting their symphaty towards Contemplacion without knowing the side of the Singaporean Government's side. They put emphaty on their news. That was a definite flaw on the media ethics.

These topics have become the foremeost basis i have to bear in mind on the moment I step on the floor of the media world. With these I know that I will be fortified as a media man in the future, and I will never be back at square one.

After learning this, I've seen Mass Communication in a different perspective. I am now seeing this course in a more respectable, extensive manner. I have apprehended the significance of media to our dynamic world. Every revolution, alteration, progress, of our society concerns every single human in this world. It is a freedom. The entirety of the media has the vast prowess for this.

I am now more motivated to pursue this course, now that I have seen the major role that awaits me in the future. I am more motivated to contribute my dedication for the next generation.

In a broad-spectrum manner, I really want to focus on all the area because it all gradually captivate me. But there are two areas that serve as the paramount options - journalism and broadcasting.

I love writing. I love to convey myself thru this method. I can be myself more in utilizing this medium. I can be more discreet and cautious. In addition, with the absence of bigheadedness, I am often admired whenever I fuse with my pen and paper compared to other things i practice. Also, I already had an experience when I was appointed as the Literary Editor in our newspaper The Spark during my high school days. I was able to be cognizant enough with the basic rules of writing during those times.

In the other hand, broadcasting somehow puts a quandary on it. I love to speak and I love to persuade many thru this. I want to be more Attached with the people. I believe that speaking does this acquaintance more compared to writing. I want to be a biger influence. And I love broadcasting because I desire for the betterment or my oral communication skills.

I am not yet decided as of the moment. But I believe that I can opt years from now. It depends on how I am molded as a media apprentice.

I shall learn more things in this subject. I expect myself to be fully inspired to continue my dedication in this field I opted to live with.

2006-08-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

friend evaluation - FEU (first batch)

friend evaluation. i want to evaluate my friends because i want to see the intimacy. being close and open is a big factor for this evaluation. closeness rate basis: 10 is highest; 1 is the lowest.

FEU:

KIM
i consider him as my closest pal among all the guys. he's like my big bro and i really enjoy his company. we're close and open. i can open my problems to him. closeness rate: 9

BHENG
we're already having our intimate closeness today. i can unveil myself to her without barriers. she also opens her secrets to me. she's also my alter ego. closeness rate: 9

JHEN
the sweetest girl in the group. she satisfatorily comforts her friends beyond its possible extent. she's open to everybody. closeness rate: 8

TIN
she keeps on creasing up with me and i love it! she makes you forget about your problems and she supports you in her own unique way - laughter is the best solution to any problem. closeness rate: 9

JAY
we keep on teasing each other but in a friendly manner. he's not really open with me but i understand him. he shows me his friendly approaches in a distinctive way. i want to be closer to him. closeness rate: 6

THERMYTZ
she is so open with me and i am open with her. she is like my big sis and i can feel her love cause she often expresses it. we are not always together because of her orgs but still i treasure her a lot. closeness rate: 8

MYK
he is so funny and he always makes me laugh. he's not that open and sometimes he seems to be far away. but still this guy keeps on sustaining good relationship with his friends. closeness rate: 7

CHAI
a girl who's so sweet and versatile. she opens her stories to me sometimes. she knows how to deal with everybody in her own versatile way. i want her to be more closer to me. closeness rate: 7

CY
she always gives letters that are so touching. she supports me whenever i cry or if i have problems. i can see a very bright future for our friendship. closeness rate: 8

JAKI
she's fun to be with. i really like her. she shares a lot of knowledge to us because of korina. she supports whenever her friends have problems. closeness rate: 8

LUIS
this guy is so approachable. even if we are not opening problems to each other, i know that the concelead support that he gives is sufficient enough to prove his devotion. i really enjoy his company. closeness rate: 8

AYEN
this girl always makes me laugh. she resembles tin and she also supports me. she is so open to me. and i also open things to her. closeness rate: 9

SAGE
she's always giving me her support whenever i have problems. i also give her the same thing. but sometimes she seems to be far away. but it's ok. closeness rate: 8

JOREL
this guy has a very long temper. he's sweet and supportive. but sometimes he has this attitude that somehow makes a barrier that hinders the ultimate closeness. hope he could overcome that. closeness rate: 6

good vs bad

2006-08-09T05:26:00.000-07:00

good vs bad

this day has not been entirely bad nor entirely good neither. average only. i'll separate the good things from the bad ones:

good:

- i got 91 in english as my prelim grade! (1.25) Thank GOD!!!
- i had fun with my report in humanities. good thing i was not nervous.
- i passed our quiz in humanities! exactly 60%.
- "bart simpson" once again supplemented my happiness.
- finally! i was able to do good in table tennis! i had a line of 2 grade as my highest and two other passing scores.
- hyperactive bonding with bheng and kim.

bad:

- ayen and i had a misunderstanding. so sad. but we have reconciled already.
- some other friends of mine also had arguments. so sad. hope they'll have the time to reconcile. asap.
- i was not able to bring directories for nstp. i missed 8 hours of the subject.

those were the things that happened in my life today! i nwish for the bad things to vanish next time!

ciao!

art tour and sleepover part two!

2006-08-07T03:56:00.000-07:00

half

it was fun, yet miserable. misery has it's reason behind. but primarily, i want to focus on the fun part. we first went to UP and we all wandered in one of its museums. the paintings were stunning. different techniques that were truly inspiring captivated our eyes. oil, water clolor, pastel, etc. also, the concept of each painting was amazing. great artists have million dollar ideas on their concept. impressive.

then, we directly went to the art capital of the philippines - angono, rizal. first stop - blanco family museum. we were all amazed of what we all witnessed. arts done by a six-year old child or perhaps eight or ten, wow. they are simply artists by nature. we have witnessed their progress as they have grown for their ages were specified on every painting.

then, we have eaten at a forest-inspired place. im not sure on the exact name it. but it was really beautiful. we have eaten "bayawak" and it was yummy! it was mixed with pork but still its taste made its distinction. we have also witnessed a "moving art" there. perceive it figuratively. hehe...

we went to vicente manansala's place and we saw his memorabilia in his house. he's really inspiring.

then we went to a church there and it was so medieval. according to sir owen (our humanities prof), the paintings of the station of the cross were painted more or less 500 years ago. wow. amazing. we even climbed up to the humongous bell and we have witnessed GOD's beautiful creation from that spot. the mountains, trees, sky. so serene.

then we made our way towards the 5000-year old cave that's so historical and vital to every Filipino. it has pioneering arts like the carves done by our ancestors. it also became a concealed hide-out for the katipuneros during the spanish regime. the cave has this unexplainable aura that provides its witnesses an odd yet satisfying feeling.

lastly, we went to blanco's tree. it was a tree baought by the blancos and it was so cute. the scenario of the day's twilight really gave us a tranquil feeling. the cool wind incorporated the tranquility.

finally, we made our way back to manila. it was a bit late and it would be a bit detrimental for us to go home, so myk and i decided to sleep at kim's place again, supposedly, jay was really planning of joining us, but in the end he decided not to go. if only he joined us, it would be more enjoyable.

now, the sad part. tin's mom died. we were alls shocked. though we already know her status, still, we were all shocked. it was a bit rapid. over fatigue then recovery. then a severe brain problem then recovery. then another brain problem attack then... we really felt sad. but still, we must be all positive. especially tin. we are all praying for the settlement of everything. we pray for her mom's soul. we pray for tin's emotional recovery.

things are sometimes fun yet saddening. GOD must take care of everything.

another rainy day...

2006-07-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

another rainy day...

its really ironic that despite of the rain and my cough, i'm still grooving on the outside world. i'm now in a comp shop. damn, have to spend P20 because our landline cable was stolen. all the pldt subscriber at our barangay suffer from this failure. well, actually i was not really the one who provided the money but my father. he asked me to help him in printing that layout thingy that is essentially relevant to his job. i came from an e-mail so we really had to go out. then, as a reward, he provided me the money for a continuous 'net ecstasy.'

my father once again mentioned his plan of giving me his kia (our old car) and also his goal in teaching me some driving lessons. before, i was really skeptical about the idea. i fear unexpected instances like being stuck in in the middle of the road, or perhaps, fatal accidents. but i have changed my perspective about this issue. now, i am ready to face any consequence in obtaining this. but it's odd because my father's the one who's skeptical this time. i asked for some clemency but he told me that he'll be thinking cautiously again. oh, ok.

tha's all. i have nothing to jot down. ciao!

it's late but still...

2006-07-28T20:02:00.000-07:00

it's late but still...

it happened on july 23 and 24. well, it was really fun because i spent 24 hours of my life with the ultimate 'gimik' with my chums. ok, these are the cool things that happened:

we went to ccp and we watched cinemalaya. i was with jay, krish, myk, tin, chai, john, mau, anne + bf, aice +bf. it was really stunning. 'puwang', 'putot', 'sa silaw', 'orasyon' and 'parang pelikula' were the titles of the short indie films that we watched. these films were really worth watching because it authenticated the passion and artistry of the filipinos when it comes to films.

right after, myk and i went to his house. he was not able to bring his clothes for vhaine's debut which i will tell you guys later. we ate and i was slightly entertained by her lil sis. i looked at the photo album of their family. i was wondering on myk's appearance when he was still a kid. i was amazed of what i saw. myk really looked handsome when he ws a kid. he looked like jm reyes of starstruck kids. he still possesses that physical gift up to this moment, but he really looked amazing during his childhood. and then we hurriedly made our way to the debut after he got his clothes.

it was awkward for us to enter the threshold of the said occassion because we were late. vhaine was waiting for us. it was a bit embarrasing. but we had no choice. i was a bit starstrucked after i saw cris martin of starstruck in that event. he is a cousin of vhaine. he was also one of the 18 roses like me, myk and jorelle. then of course, eating time! but we all got pissed off (me and my friends in our table) after the discrimination the caterers have shown us. our food was so late. myk didn't control his temper as he angrily made his way towards the kitchen section and frankly asked the people responsible for the said inadequacy. and Thank GOD, myk's effort affected those passive people.

it was extremely late when the party ended. it would be detrimental for us to go home. myk lives at makati; i live at valenzuela, the venue for the debut is at quezon city. well, fortunately, kim was there to help. he lives nearer. though he forcibly abided, he has nothing to do but to bear with us, otherwise, he might regret it if we die because of the 'tambay' outside.

we didn't sleep urgently after we arrived at kim's place. we even spent an hour and a half of bonding. then right after, we fell into our slumber.

after we woke up, we didn't went to our houses immediately. we stayed for some more hours. then we decided to watch a movie at sm north first before we go home directly. kim joined us. we watched 'lady in the water.' the movie was a true fiction. it was ok.

we finally went home and finally, we were able to rest sufficiently.

the triad - pressure, escape and frustration

2006-07-22T04:17:00.000-07:00

the triad - pressure, escape and frustration

i was inspired to entitle this entry this way because of the lesson that we tackled in communication. the triad. but i have a different perspective in interpreting this term. if sir joeven has the power, culture and communication perception, well, i have this queer belief in this - pressure, escape and frustration.

pressure - no doubt, this is all about the preliminary exams, Thank GOD it's over. some we're tough, some were just a piece of cake (joke!). seriously, the exams we're challenging. especially english. whoa. the uncertainty. the nosebleed. haha! well, p.e. was physically challenging, well, i just hope that i exerted sufficient effort for that.

escape - tomorrow, things will really unwind me from the pressure and from the frustration that i'm going to tackle next. we're going to watch cinemalaya at ccp. of course, this is because of the persuasive influence of tin, but of course, we still personally crave to witness that stunning event. also, vhaine's debut will happen tomorrow, it's so exciting. i am one of the 18 roses (together with myk and frank), and also, the much-awaited presentation of our very own version of breaking free that shall doom the celebration tomorrow. hehe. goodluck to all of us!

frustration - acting rejected me. writing rejected me. singing rejected me. speaking rejected me. what's next? drawing? better prepare for that. i don't know the reason why. many people people keep on telling me that i am 'talented.' when i was in high school, i often enter in some organizations and receive remarks that relate my talent in writing, drawing, speaking, acting, or singing. i was too overwhelmed during those times. the inspiration i cast towards others, the trust that i received from them. it was immensely celestial. but today, i could not even acquire sufficient contentment that regards these things. people around me today always get disappointed. i am always neglected. well, i'm starting to ask GOD why. what have i done? i tried to flourish His gifts, i tried to share it to others, i tried everything just for Him not to take it away from me. i am severely damaged. though not obvious, i'm genuinely wrecked. i don't know if there are still any talent in my veins. my talent in drawing still remains, question, when will it be taken from me? i know that GOD has a reason for these, but i just couldn't adjust that rapid.

well, that's the triad. three main points of my life that i have to deal today. three main points.

wave goodbye

2006-07-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

wave goodbye to kryptonite

i came up with this idea. i know that some would eventually ask me why. but i don't know, the day of my fear finally came.

i will cease myself from writing temporarily. i wont focus on it that much anymore. i must enhance my vocal abilities more. public speaking is what i am now with, i have to follow this destined path.

i will surely miss all the poems, short stories and songs that i composed. cooling off is not easy. but i have no choice.

they're now all in their respective positions, ready to write. and i am now in the speech zone, preparing myself to speak. well, i must abide every destiny that life provides for my enhacement as a person.

by the way, we've just seen superman! it's balasek's birthday so she was compelled to provide us the satisfaction, ironic, but true.

the effects in this film are definitely awesome! especially the airplane-rocket thingy, (i really don't know the exact term, well... whatever.) the climax happened after that bald freak threw the kryptonite directly to the ocean just for one queer mission - to create a new continent. i don't want to speak much about this, you guys must see it yourselves.

incorporating superman as our way of celebrating balasek's bday were the 'inasal treat' and of course, 'dance dance'. jeisirine and balasek were really outstanding! maja and i were just average.but still, we had lots of fun!

at least, i was able to flee from my nightmares.

2006 fiasco

2006-07-12T01:05:00.000-07:00

2006 fiasco

i feel like i'm a complete fiasco. 2006 has been giving me the frustrations and rejections. it deeply hurts.

first, i really got disappointed after i was rejected in a play in our school. i gave my best for i immensely love acting. i often receive good remarks before when i act. but they just rejected me.

our p.e. class today, i think that i will fail this sem. table tennis is really tough. the effort being exerted just turns out nothing.

my heart possessor doesn't want any commitment. i really got hurt after hearing this though i initially told her that i'm not going court her or something.

i just received the good news today! everybody made it to the advocate excluding me! haha! i am a frustrated writer. well, my "talent" in writing just slapped me.

i got so offended, i just went to the chapel this morning to cry. i cried so hard, without knowing that i am being witnessed by a friend of mine - jhen. she comforted me. i felt awkward because i don't want others to see me whimpering. but i was hopeless to cease in an instant manner.

i also proved those who are concerned. i felt my real friends. i got disappointed to those who didn't care. somehow, i'm starting to know them better.

heart possessor just cried in sfc after our dismissal. she told me she's guilty. guilty because she knows that she's one of my frustrations. but i tried to tell her that i really don't believe that she severely damaged me, and fortunately, she opted to think in parallel with me.

this day is so gruesome. the rain continuously pours, and my woe incessantly destroys my life.

e-library

2006-06-30T00:22:00.001-07:00

e-library

i'm now here at the FEU e-lib. i'm with myk. he wants me to help him in enhancing his blogspot. well, honestly, i cannot do anything here. but becuase he's my friend, well, i have no choice! ahaha. i want to put the focus of this entry towards myk. who's myk? mico angelo costelo omac. nice name huh? well, for your information, he's my former best friend here in FEU. we were together since first sem. well, i want to emphasize the term "former best friend". before, we had this fatal argument. fatal in a sense that its too severe, emotionally. it was much hurtful. and for a couple of months, we didn't talk to each other.

but today, though we're not best friends at all, i'm happy. at least, we have revived our friendship. before, i could not imagine ourselves reconciled. but thank GOD, we were given the chance again to be friends. i treasure every moment that i am with him today, for it is hard to grab the time for us to be together.

i just suddenly remember things, now cause i'm with this morbid and sarcastic guy. hehehehe, well, that's it! enough of myk!

weary day

2006-06-28T05:43:00.000-07:00

weary day

i feel so weary. this day has been a tough day. whew.

english was much cognizable. we were able to digest the knowledge we need. it was ok.

we forcibly finished our project in humanities, but still, we enjoyed it. incorporating this subject was our 'picture analysis' which featured the pics specifically the artistic creation that best describes the essence of Nicanor Reyes, FEU founder.

then, i had an intense enthusiasm in psychology. our teacher this sem is somewhat petrifying in an initial impression, but gradually we could already feel her presence without any fear in us, she's not that strict, and that's good!

p.e. was a definite frustration for me. if i would be given a chance to evaluate myself from 1-10, 10 as the highest, well, i'm 2. haha. have to surpass my limitation!

like the usual routine, we went to sfc. we primarily got ourselves busy for the journalism assignment. then subsequently we bonded.

i felt a bit offended. one of my friends told me that lately, i've been talking nonsense things. i don't know if that was a joke or what, it's hard to distinguish whether she casts her joke or not. she's just too confusing. but though offended, i'm not mad at her. it's her right anyway. i think i have to put limitations in some of my actions. this has been a lesson for me. i must consider other people, i should be matured enough.

i got home and i'm so tired. well, that's it!

ciao!

face my fear

2006-06-26T05:01:00.000-07:00

face my fear

tomorrow, i'll face my biggest fear. i'm going to propose. whew! i know it's hard. but i think concealing an intense emotion wouldn't provide me a tranquil feeling. i might be rejected. but the fact that i was able to express that affection, well, congatulations mattheus! haha.

i'm not going beg for her love. no. i know it's vague. i just want her to permit me in expressing what i feel for her. that's all.

goodluck matt!!!

high school musical!!!

2006-06-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

soarin! flyin!

wow. high school musical is great! it's all about a guy named troy and a lass named gabriella who were hindered by a bunch of difficulties in obtaining their dreams -- singing. they are both cool singers. but primarily they have to focus on their main responsibilities in life. for troy it's basketball, for gabriella its academics. but of course they were able to manage the two passions they had to deal. what a very flattering dilemma. haha. being multi-talented isn't an easy thing to deal with. well, they just did.

certain antagonists apparently colored the story, it's sharpay and ryan. they were so competitive when it comes to the audition for the musical play of east high. and a stiff competition coincidently took place after gabriella and troy joined. in the end, the two talented pair got the crown, eventually, the two losers (haha! sarcastic, hehe) learned how to be sport enough.

well that's it! a short yet concise story.

i think i forgot something. and i know you're all craving for it. well, though not directly shown, i could say that troy and gabriella got not only the crown for the lead roles, but also the gift of cupid.

nice. finally

2006-06-25T04:08:00.000-07:00

finally

finally, i possessed this skin. love it. well, what happened in my life today? nothing special actually. magic sing coudn't be off the list of course. haha. moreover, i focused myself in some more 'rational' things. i journalized certain media touches in my life today. i searched for some requirements for our journalism class. well, sir ojimba obliged us to look for some news that depend on the specific element he discussed last meeting. it's a bit challenging. but i have no any other options. anyway, that would be all as of now. ciao!

communication 100

2006-06-17T04:19:00.000-07:00

testing,